Some felt Minne could have had a better name. There was a conflicting school of thought in fantasy writing, which held that every name of any character no matter how small, tiny, or insignificant their role should have a memorable name. A name like Art’gun’haven ‘Cra da La Doo’n. However, the disadvantage of such a ridiculously long winded name will immediately become obvious if one ever tries to read The Adventures of Art’gun’haven ‘Cra da La Doo’n & Art’gan’huven ‘Cro do La Daa’n. Never mind that you, dear reader, will never be able to tell the two title characters apart, neither could the rest of the cast. But even that is not the best example of this particular pitfall. It seems that somewhere between the first and second book in The Lithal’tr’n Chronicles, the Faire Damsel Marla forget that the name of her true love was Blah-Blah Met’e, and so spends the rest of the Chronicles (all six books, plus the short story collection) tending the, um, “gardens” of Met’e’s arch nemesis Ma’ta.
No dear reader, trust me. As romantic as Art’gun’haven ‘Cra da La Doo’n sounds, you probably will never read it all the way through more than once, and I personally am willing to guarantee that you will never say it correctly. Much is made of little know facts in fantasy literature. And this I will tell you outright, there is no fact more little known, obscure, or patently worthless than the knowledge that among the hoofed creatures (Minataurs and Centaurs especially) that an apostrophe in a name denotes a missing letter. So try as you might, you’d never be able to guess whether Art’s true name is Art’e’gun (yada-yada) or Art’le’gun (etc.). And let’s face it, as long as we’re being honest, isn’t Art a better name for an Ant, an Aardvark, or an Anterior Armored Anthropoid anyway? Art the Anterior Armored Anthropoid -- it has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?
So
let it
go. Minne was a Minataur and should I
ever start calling him Min’ne, you will know it’s solely on the advice
of my
lawyers.
This, of course, is all just a long way of saying Min’ne was a Minataur and that this book will be about Min’ne. But I suppose calling the book Minataur Tails pretty much gave the game away in the first place. So really, let’s not belabor the point here any further.
Minne was -- if you’ll be so kind as to let me repeat myself -- a Minataur. What does this Minataur look like you may ask? And believe me you will ask. I cannot begin to tell you how much fan mail I get. Everyday the mailman brings yet another bag, I read every letter, which is to say I open every envelope and check for small bills and checks, but hey I’m a writer not a reader, so if you want someone to read your letters...
The thing is Crazy George has been staying at my house for a while. He says he needs a break. His new wife is a real demon; but then, he knew that going in, so I’m not really sympathetic. The point is, if I seem a bit distracted, that’s why. That and the K’fr. But we’ll get to all this in a bit. It’s a long story. One hundred thousand words, to the letter, but this isn’t one of those Garg novels. First off, a Garg novel is only 75,000 words. I on the other hand provide a full 100,000 words. It’s like getting 33.3% more for free -- in much the same way that a Quadrillogy packs a third more action than some stupid overrated trilogy. Hey! Come to think of it, I’m going to have to talk to my publisher and see if we can’t put that on the cover.
But more important than all that, what I’m saying here is that you can be patient. I’m going to tell you the entire story, because unlike a Garg novel, the book isn’t just going to end at exactly 75,000 words. Garg isn’t going to be walking down the streets of Rigor Pass and suddenly fall into quicksand. I don’t even want to go into what’s wrong with that. He’s not from this vortex in the first place; and let’s be honest, Garg is more of a Dİİm Crag Mountain type guy. But even if we are willing to accept that Garg was in Rigor Pass because that’s where the mysterious letter came from, I just don’t buy that he fell into quicksand. The point isn’t that it’s called cement in the story. The point is that it happens at exactly 75,000 words. You be the judge.