The Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier

by

Eddie Takosori


# # # Season 1 # # #

# # # Episode 1 # # #

# # # Page 5 # # #


    It be the sad but the true, the Suki the know.  But it look the bad for the Mister, the right now.  He keep on the lying to the duly elected representative of the Planetary Defense Service -- disrespecting the authority even, dissing the badge, maybe even trying to sneak the contraband foodies past the Sanitation Police -- but if the Mister come the clean, the right the now, the Suki put in the good word for the him, and it be like it never the happen.
    You know, that seems fair.
    Really?  Er, rather, the Suki mean, that be the good, that be the excellent.  She get that response the so often it be the surprise to her if that no be the response she get the right the now from the Mister.  So, um.  Where the Mister keep the good stuff?  Or the any the stuff, the really.  There must be the hidden compartment, the right?  The secret the stash?  Somewhere the Mister keep the secret spy stuff when he go on the top secret mission to save the galaxy and free the sentient species everywhere from the oppressive hand of the... the...
    The?  The?
    Eh, the Suki, she the forget.  But she no forget about the ice cream.  Cough it up, the Mister.  Or the Mister, he be doing the hard time.
    Fifty years in solitary with the Suki, the Mister be the thinking?
    Yeah.  The Mister, he the wish.
    Probably not.  Wishing is against my religion.  But I’ll show you what I got and you can take whatever you want.  But the Mister, he’s got to warn the Suki, she’s going to be disappointed. 
    The Suki be the judge of the that!  Oh, the top shelf?  The Mister have the good intel, not so much on the listening skill aptitude, but the advance intel, he all the over.  Suki think he send his scout ahead or pay the bribe to get the advance warning that the Chief Security Officer on Bandi’ not be the so tall in the height department.  The Mister, he be the tricky.
    Yes.  I keep my food on the top shelf in the pantry, an amazingly clever deception, if I do say so myself.
    But not so the clever so as to outsmart the Suki.
    True.  The Mister Tug knows when he’s been outmatched.  And besides, I’ve taken all of the pledges.  Charity.  Gratuity.  Kindness to Strangers.  Humoring the locals.
    Mister best watch what he say.  Trouble, she be the easy to find and the Mister find her sooner than he think if he no be the careful... and the polite and the respectful.
    All I was saying was, how could I say no to such a heartfelt request from such an amusing damsel in distress?  So, please.  Help yourself to one and all that my pantry contains.
    Now, the Mister, he be the talking.  He just give the Suki the hand up.  Oh, now that be the nice.  That be the real nice!
    Sorry.
    No, the Suki be the serious.  The Suki no the mind where-how the Mister, he grab her.  Maybe the Mister should grab the some more.  A-hem.  The Suki be saying, maybe the Mister should grab the Suki some more, help steady her.  Hey!  The Mister no supposed to let the go of the Suki when she say the that.  It high up here.
    You’re three feet off the ground.
    It be like the Chasm of the Death up the here!  The Suki get the dizzy.  Maybe she fall.  Whoa!  Whoa!
    Steady there.  Watch out!
    That be what the Suki be the talking the ‘bout.  The Mister be the very gallant the way he catch the Suki.  The very noble.  The very brave.
    Stop squirming.
    The Suki no have to squirm so hard if the Mister do his part and hold her like he hold her before.
    Well, the Mister isn’t going to.  My hand slipped.  It was an accident.  It isn’t going to happen again.
    That be what the Mister think.  But in the meantime, put the Suki down.
    And you’re going back up there?  Maybe you should just stay on the ground.
    No.  It be the time for the Suki to get her just reward.  This be the moment of the truth, the moment everyone be the waiting the for.  Well, it be the moment the Suki be the waiting the for.  She no be the so sure about the Mister or the viewer at the home.  It always be the hard and the difficult to figure out what the viewer at the home be thinking ‘bout.  Maybe they be the thinking, ‘No, Suki!  No!  Don’t open the cabinet door, there be space snake in there!’  The Mister no keep the space snake in with his loot to guard it, the Suki, she be the hoping?
    No.
    Or the booby-trap?
    No.
    Or the scary monster?
    No.
    Klick’its hide in the cabinet, sometimes.  Mister may not know the that, since he no watch the Ether, the too terribly the much.  And he probably no up on the latest safety precautions.  So what the Suki want to know be when the last time the Mister have his ship sprayed for the Klick’its?
    There are no Klick’its hiding in that cupboard or anywhere else on my ship.
    That not what the Suki ask.  She ask if the Mister spray for the Klick’its.  It the whole other question, the whole other ball of the wax.  Maybe the Mister no see the Klick’it till the now, which be the safe bet, on the account that if the Mister see the Klick’it before the now, he probably no be the here to tell the Suki the ‘bout it, he be missing his spleen and the all. 
    You know, that’s a good point.  I must confess I been lax in my Klick’it spraying protocol.  So the Klick’its, they could be the anywhere.  Literally, the anywhere.  In everything.  Behind every last locked door and cabinet.
    Ah, now the Suki, she the see.  The Mister try to trick the Suki, make her no want to open the door and see the edible contraband, so he can keep it all for himself.  But it no work.  The Suki, she see right through the Mister.
    That transparent, am I?
    The Suki no know what the Mister the mean on the ‘count of he look pretty dull and opaque to the Suki.  But all the same, she going to open the door the now, so this be the Mister’s last chance to warn the Suki ‘bout any hidden traps or the dangers.


Yes, the please!
More the Suki for the me!





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