The Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier
by
Eddie Takosori
# # # Season 1 # # #
# # # Episode 1 # # #
# # # Page 5 # # #
It be the sad but the true, the Suki the
know. But it look the bad for the Mister, the right now. He
keep on the lying to the duly elected representative of the Planetary
Defense Service -- disrespecting the authority even, dissing the badge,
maybe even trying to sneak the contraband foodies past the Sanitation
Police -- but if the Mister come the clean, the right the now, the Suki
put in the good word for the him, and it be like it never the happen.
You know, that seems fair.
Really? Er, rather, the Suki mean, that be the good, that be the
excellent. She get that response the so often it be the surprise
to her if that no be the response she get the right the now from the
Mister. So, um. Where the Mister keep the good stuff?
Or the any the stuff, the really. There must be the hidden
compartment, the right? The secret the stash? Somewhere the
Mister keep the secret spy stuff when he go on the top secret mission
to save the galaxy and free the sentient species everywhere from the
oppressive hand of the... the...
The? The?
Eh, the Suki, she the forget. But she no forget about the ice
cream. Cough it up, the Mister. Or the Mister, he be doing
the hard time.
Fifty years in solitary with the Suki, the Mister be the thinking?
Yeah. The Mister, he the wish.
Probably not. Wishing is against my religion. But I’ll show
you what I got and you can take whatever you want. But the
Mister, he’s got to warn the Suki, she’s going to be
disappointed.
The Suki be the judge of
the that! Oh, the top shelf? The Mister have the good
intel, not so much on the listening skill aptitude, but the advance
intel, he all the over. Suki think he send his scout ahead or pay
the bribe to get the advance warning that the Chief Security Officer on
Bandi’ not be the so tall in the height department. The Mister,
he be the tricky.
Yes. I keep my food on
the top shelf in the pantry, an amazingly clever deception, if I do say
so myself.
But not so the clever so as to outsmart the Suki.
True. The Mister Tug knows when he’s been outmatched. And
besides, I’ve taken all of the pledges. Charity.
Gratuity. Kindness to Strangers. Humoring the locals.
Mister best watch what he say. Trouble, she be the easy to find
and the Mister find her sooner than he think if he no be the careful...
and the polite and the respectful.
All I was
saying was, how could I say no to such a heartfelt request from such an
amusing damsel in distress? So, please. Help yourself to
one and all that my pantry contains.
Now, the
Mister, he be the talking. He just give the Suki the hand
up. Oh, now that be the nice. That be the real nice!
Sorry.
No, the Suki be the serious. The Suki no the mind where-how the
Mister, he grab her. Maybe the Mister should grab the some
more. A-hem. The Suki be saying, maybe the Mister should
grab the Suki some more, help steady her. Hey! The Mister
no supposed to let the go of the Suki when she say the that. It
high up here.
You’re three feet off the ground.
It be like the Chasm of the Death up the here! The Suki get the
dizzy. Maybe she fall. Whoa! Whoa!
Steady there. Watch out!
That be what the Suki be the talking the ‘bout. The Mister be the
very gallant the way he catch the Suki. The very noble. The
very brave.
Stop squirming.
The Suki no have to squirm so hard if the Mister do his part and hold her like he hold her before.
Well, the Mister isn’t going to. My hand slipped. It was an
accident. It isn’t going to happen again.
That be what the Mister think. But in the meantime, put the Suki down.
And you’re going back up there? Maybe you should just stay on the ground.
No. It be the time for the Suki to get her just reward.
This be the moment of the truth, the moment everyone be the waiting the
for. Well, it be the moment the Suki be the waiting the
for. She no be the so sure about the Mister or the viewer at the
home. It always be the hard and the difficult to figure out what
the viewer at the home be thinking ‘bout. Maybe they be the
thinking, ‘No, Suki! No! Don’t open the cabinet door, there
be space snake in there!’ The Mister no keep the space snake in
with his loot to guard it, the Suki, she be the hoping?
No.
Or the booby-trap?
No.
Or the scary monster?
No.
Klick’its hide in the cabinet, sometimes. Mister may not know the
that, since he no watch the Ether, the too terribly the much. And
he probably no up on the latest safety precautions. So what the
Suki want to know be when the last time the Mister have his ship
sprayed for the Klick’its?
There are no Klick’its hiding in that cupboard or anywhere else on my ship.
That not what the Suki ask. She ask if the Mister spray for the
Klick’its. It the whole other question, the whole other ball of
the wax. Maybe the Mister no see the Klick’it till the now, which
be the safe bet, on the account that if the Mister see the Klick’it
before the now, he probably no be the here to tell the Suki the ‘bout
it, he be missing his spleen and the all.
You know, that’s a good point. I must confess I been lax in my
Klick’it spraying protocol. So the Klick’its, they could be the
anywhere. Literally, the anywhere. In everything.
Behind every last locked door and cabinet.
Ah,
now the Suki, she the see. The Mister try to trick the Suki, make
her no want to open the door and see the edible contraband, so he can
keep it all for himself. But it no work. The Suki, she see
right through the Mister.
That transparent, am I?
The Suki no know what the Mister the mean on the ‘count of he look
pretty dull and opaque to the Suki. But all the same, she going
to open the door the now, so this be the Mister’s last chance to warn
the Suki ‘bout any hidden traps or the dangers.
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