Portrait of an Imaginary Friend
by
Sal E. Mander

# # # 2-A # # #

    That all you tell
    We green, 3” tall, with tails
    You writee book, and this all you say about lead characters?
    You one cocky writer
That’s not all I’ll tell.
    What you tell den?
I, we, will tell them what you guys do. Like how you crawl up my face using my nose as a hand and toe hold, and then hang onto my glasses and point stuff out to me, but I can’t see what you’re pointing to because your bellies are in the way.
    You gonna poke fun at da belly all book long?
    You not so much one to talk there, Meester
We can tell how much ----- like food.
    Amazing, he do it to himself
    Shsh, he was talking about food
    You no shshs me, I’ve got da rights
Hey, how come you guys always picket me, but you never picket each other?
    (blink, blink, arms behind back, crossed legs, eyes down)
    (pause)
    You tell us more dis copyright thingee
    Yeah, it no sound good to us
What’s to tell, you were a joint effort.
    He makee pun?
    We your maginary friends
Yes, well you were a joint effort. At some point © was attached to pictures of you and your name.
    © ? our name no lookee anyting like dat
    © is mark of slavery, dey trade us like chattel
No. No. © is gateway to money. You wouldn’t want to put on a show, to write a whole book, and have the money go somewhere else?
    We workee, we get paidee
    Cash on da barrel head
    Or food
    Yeah, we work for food
    No jokee, me hungee
So the © determines the flow of money, but things are murky with you guys.
    We no feel murkey
Agreements were made.
    You shakee on it
Yes, we shakee on it, but it all fell through. It didn’t go anywhere and in the meantime, or all along really, you guys became me best friends.
    We bestest friends
So anyway, as such I didn’t create you in a vacuum, others had input, and we’ve never been able to settle on a way for us to move forward on a project, either together or separately.
    You no longer friends you mean
    (blow nose) It be da sad story
I agree. It’s a sad story, an unfortunate story, and a comical story. I mean we fought a custody battle over imaginary friends. How bitter do you have to be to fight over imaginary friends?
    Not bitter, we be lubbed
Yes, we both loved you guys. But, we both were unable to give you the life you deserve. Anyway, you’re MY imaginary friends. I mean no matter how much help I got, it’s ME you talk to. It’s ME you visit. It’s ME who spends time with you.
    He getting awfully possessive
    He do this, he do that
    What about us?
    We do lots
You guys are the best. You do it all. Anyway, if I don’t cross a line...
    What line?
    Where?
    (look around scratch head)
The © thingie. Some things can be © and some things can’t. We will write a book, just like we always wanted.
    Yeah, write book
    We help
    We be stars
But, if we don’t ever describe anything about you that could be copyrighted, for all anyone knows, we’re talking about Mickey Mouse.
    Mickey Mouse? He no green
    But he do good work
    In movie, maybe I get Mickey to play me
Jumping a bit ahead aren’t we guys?
    Yeah, Mickey play me
    (whips out cell phone, calls ... beep, beep, beep)
    I get on phone now, call hees agent

Portrait of an Imaginary Friend by Sal E. Mander

Portrait of an Imaginary Friend
by
Sal E. Mander