Eddie Takosori’s

UFO Attractor’s Handbook

Practical Advice for an Impractical Hobby

Testimonials & References


I hate books filled with case studies and testimonials.   You know, books that go on and on about how, one time, I met this guy -- we’ll call him Steve because my lawyers told me I should change his name -- and well Steve said, “I hate books that are filled with testimonials.”   Then he finished washing his hands and left the restroom.   Don’t ask me why the fact that we were in a restroom is important, but I suppose somehow it is.

Perhaps it’s because there’s a mirror in most of your better public toiletries; and so, the scene is therefore obscure.   Was I talking to myself?   Is my name really Steve?   Or was somebody else there?   Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?   And then of course there is the possibility that Steve was a Flusher from Septicon-12.   Those guys are really anal; and the fact that he was washing his hands sort of ties it all together, but if I had been talking to a Flusher from Septicon-12, I probably would have said, I met this Flusher from Septicon-12 in a restroom once and we got to talking (because I am writing a UFO book and including random asides about my experience with aliens might lend it some creditability).  
Anyway, during my conversation with Steve (who’s definitely a Flusher and quite possible from Septicon-12) it must have come out that I was writing a book called The UFO Attractor’s Handbook, and Steve was all like, “Don’t put testimonials in that thing--Male Human,” and he said it just like that, Male Human, as if that’s how he thought of me and he didn’t even know my name.   What’s with that?   But before I had any time to dwell on it, Steve finished it all by saying, “I hate books that are filled with testimonials.”   Needless to say the entire experience left a profound mark on my soul... and my ego, those Septicon-12 guys are huge, just massive.

Of course, Steve wasn’t the only alien I ever talked to about The UFO Attractor’s Handbook.   No.   There were like dozens more just like him.   Actually, dozens doesn’t sound impressive enough, so let’s just say there were hundreds, if not thousands of other aliens, humans, and pan-galactic monstrosities from all across the cosmos and every corner of the universe that I talked to while doing research for this book, The UFO Attractor’s Handbook.   Some of these folks even existed, but most of them did not.   You know how it is.   Most of them were just fictional--made up--characters that I imagined on the spot... because that’s the type of mentally unstable person that I am.   Anyhow, they all pretty much said the same thing, “Testimonials Suck!”

“They’re stupid,” a fictional character that I’ve used in numerous other projects which we shall merely identify by the moniker CG faithfully agreed.   “I know I’m supposed to like testimonials, that they’re suppose to bring the material home--heck it’s even how I make my money.   I mean, no testimonials and all of a sudden my screen time is cut in half, but that doesn’t change the fact that most testimonials are stupid.”

And there you have it, from the man himself, or as Dr. Craigmillerdorf might say if he really existed, “Testimonials are the last resort of two bit hacks and journalists.”   Well, I may be a two bit hack, but a journalist I definitely am not.   So enough with the testimonials.   Or, as a late girlfriend once said, “It just doesn’t do it for me.”   In a cruel twist she went on to say, “It’s not you, it’s me,” before leaving with a two headed alien from another story-- never to be seen again... much like testimonials.  

As to the lack of references, that’s much easier to explain.   I’m lazy.   Very few of the ideas in The UFO Attractor’s Handbook are original to me.   For instance, it has been put forth by countless observers that many (if not all) UFO sightings are actually lucid dreams.   Whether you believe in this concept or not is not overly important.   What is important is that I neither originated the concept of lucid dreams nor am I the first to wax eloquently on the possible connection between dreams and UFOs.   In fact, when you get right down to it, I’m nowhere near the top of the pack when it comes to credentialed researchers in either the field of UFOs or lucid dreams.   So basically even if I was going to reference a book, magazine article, peer reviewed journal, or website about lucid dreams, I probably would just be referencing one at random, and by no means the best, most accurate, or most thoroughly vetted one.   So basically my thinking is, you already know how to type the words “LUCID DREAMS” into the search engine of your choice, and that you will do just this if you want more information.   I mean, the bottom line is, the type of person who would actually want to research any of the concepts mentioned in The UFO Attractor’s Handbook any further, probably knows how to do research as well as I do.  
Um, and then there’s that other reason that’s sort of embarrassing, but that I should mention all the same.   See, like, when I read a book, I often take away from it the exact opposite meaning from what the author was trying to get across.   Just for the sake of an example and because it’s the first thing that popped into my head, let’s talk about drugs.   Do you remember those drug education textbooks that they gave to all of us back in grade school and then again in high school.   Well, they didn’t really instill in me a fear of drugs, but rather a desire to do drugs.   As any fifth grader will tell you the acronym DARE doesn’t mean Drug Awareness Resistance and Education; but rather means, Drugs Are Really Excellent!   That is to say, when someone told me that some idjits spent all their time and money trying to get drugs, lived on the streets, and in short became total losers all because of drugs... well, it sort of made drugs sound pretty good to me.   I said to myself, “Some folks will do all that for drugs?   Well then, they must be pretty darn good.”   Anyhow, hopefully you can see how I’d get in trouble for referencing my 5th grade DARE textbook after making a statement like that and why it might not be such a good idea. (1)

          (1)   Don’t Believe Everything that “The Man” Tells You.   Drugs Are Really Excellent.   Fifth Grade Reader, Thurston Moonshadow III, Lahina Free Press, 1971.  

So just for the heck of it, let’s focus and regroup for a second.   I don’t use references.   Why?

          1)   I’m lazy.   This is probably the real reason.

          2)   I’d most likely get the reference wrong; and when you get right down to it, this reason seems pretty compelling as well.

          3)   I haven’t kept notes and I’m not about to go back and try to figure out where and when I first encountered every little trivial idea in this book.   Ideas, I might add, that I have subsequently encountered in various forms in dozen (if not hundreds or thousands) of different ways.

          4)   If you care in the least, you can start your search from scratch and get just as far and just as fast with nothing more than a few key words and a good search engine or the card catalog at your local library.   Oddly, knowing the name of the book where I originally got an idea from will help you very little if the Galactic Council has put the book on the Don’t Show to Earthlings Banned Booklist.   A list, which I might add, that is amazingly long--something like fifteen trillion titles and counting.

I think that about covers it.   I did want to put together a short list of keywords that you might want to search, so in no particular order we have: Zen, Meditation, Lucid Dreams, UFOs (this probably should have gone first), Optical Illusions, Drugs (they’re not just for breakfast anymore), Brain Washing, Mystical Experiences, Angels, Ghosts, and so on and so forth.   As we go on, I’m sure you’ll figure out which ones are important to you.

Also, please note: I do not recommend the use of drugs.   No ifs, ands, or buts about it.   I don’t smoke, rarely drink, and my only source of caffeine is chocolate.   I just can’t seem to get enough of those hydro & themo bromides.   Of course, we’re bound to go into drugs at some point in the book, but let’s be honest and lay it all on the line.   Drugs impact your brain in a negative way.   If you follow the course of action as recommended in The UFO Attractor’s Handbook, your brain will be fried enough, and you won’t need outside stimulus.   In fact most recreational drugs will numb your mind and make the program in this book harder to follow and not nearly as rewarding.   So bottom line, if you want to see cool trails in the night sky, talk to little green men, or take a flying saucer ride into the wild blue yonder, stay away from drugs.   It might sound counter intuitive, but that’s just the way it works out.   Aliens don’t hang with brain dead idiots; and if you use drugs, then that’s what you’ll be.

UFO Attractor Handbook 2nd Ed

Takosori Home


Eddie Takosori’s
UFO Attractor’s Handbook
Practical Advice for an Impractical Hobby
© 2008 Copyright Brett Paufler