The Ten Commandments

(a.k.a. Whilst in Heaven)

While in Rome, do as the Romans. By the same token, while in Heaven, do as the Angels. (Being a guidebook of sorts for getting into Heaven, based on the idea if you are already there, you’ll not have as far to travel...)

{One person’s heresy is another’s religion...}

Thou shall have no other gods before Me.

This pretty much goes without saying. It’s sort of like saying while driving on the road, let there be no greater injunction on your mind than the rules of the road. Or while playing poker, keep your eyes on the cards. It’s just sort of common sense and hard to do otherwise.

Thou shall not make an image or likeness of what is in the heavens above.

Hey. Go for it if you like, but no one has succeeded in that one yet. You just might want to spend your time doing something a little more productive... say like rewriting the Ten Commandments.

Thou shall not swear falsely.

If you’re going to say, “God Damn It,” then mean it, but then like you’re in Heaven dude. Chill. What exactly are you upset about anyhow? Haven’t you seen all the babes floating about? Underneath those robes, they’re naked, dude! Totally naked!

Thou shall keep the Sabbath day holy.

Once again, you’re in Heaven dude. Put away the computer. Turn off your cell phone. That business deal can wait. Just chill. Lean back on a cloud and relax.

Thou shall honor thy father and thy mother.

Dude. They were righteous enough to have you. Show some respect.

Thou shall not kill.

Not that you could if you wanted to, but like you’re in Heaven. Let it go. Just so this doesn’t get too light hearted, concentrate on the first part. Thou shall not kill doesn’t mean, don’t do it, it means you can’t even if by some miracle you wanted to. Not withstanding all appearances to the contrary, it is not a thing which can be done. Case closed.

Thou shall not commit adultery.

Love thy brother as thy self, and you pretty much have an open invitation to an orgy... unfortunately there’s not much happening in that regards in Heaven. Maybe I’ve got my info wrong, but the inside word is you have to check all your worldly desires with the doorman before they let you inside.

Thou shall not steal.

Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can... There’s nothing to steal in Heaven dude. Take all you want. Fill up your pockets, but you know what they say, “You can’t take it with you.” It works both ways.

Thou shall not bear false witness.

The only one that you are ever fooling is yourself... and since both you and me know that you’re not even doing a very good job at that, don’t think that anyone in Heaven is going to buy it either.

Thou shall not envy thy neighbor.

Which really should just be judge not lest ye be judged, or basically, why hassle it. Once again, you’re in Heaven dude, what exactly is there to envy about your neighbor? His wings? His clouds? And if you can’t commit adultery, remember, he ain’t getting any more than you are.