Anger Mode

Step 1

Admit that I am powerlessness over my anger.

"Yeah, that's right!"
"I'm angry!"
"Deal with it!"

Step 2

If I am powerless, doesn't that imply someone (or something) else has the power.

"The F&rking @sshats!"

Step 3

Identify with the oppressor and pledge eternal allegiance to self-said-same.

"These are the steps and all shall hail."

Step 4

Still, it's probably my fault.

"Yeah, see how well I've internalized the propaganda already."

Step 5

No, not probably. It's all my fault.

"Fine!"
"Whatever."
"How many fr@cking steps are there, anyhow?"

Step 6

But let's not forget that Higher Power™ thingy.

"Jesus loves me this I know, because the Bible tells me so... and/or this little ditty was drilled into my head at such a tender age that at this point, it almost feels like a nursery rhyme to me."

Step 7

Let the Big Guy handle it.

"Don't stress the big stuff."
"Don't stress the small stuff."
"Don't stress anything in between, around the edges, or even that stuff that shall forever remain sight unseen."

Step 8

Make amends...

"Let's see."
"We're making a list."
"We're checking it twice."
"Fr#ck#ty-Fr&ck!"
"To H€ll with that!"
"Didn't they say, the only one you're hurting is yourself?"
"Well, something like that!"
"So, amends!"
"To me!
"I owe it to myself."
"Ergo Sum: It's time to get me that hotrod!"
"Fat chance on repaying the rest!"
"I mean, God love 'em."
"But let's not get carried away."

Step 9

Back it up, Jack!
First things first!
Step 1: Make a list!
Step 2: Check it twice!

"First, my name's not Jack."
"Secondy, make up your mind, dude."
"Are we on Step 9, Step 1, or Step 2?"

"Eh, doesn't matter."
"Let's move on, shall we?"
"Or should that be drive on?"
"Hey baby, going my way?"

Step 10

Go back to the top and start over.

Everyone (and I mean, everyone) ½ @ss's it the first time around.

"I don't want to."
"Besides, no one ever does, the slackers."

Step 11

Don't get angry, get even.

Or, that is to say, take a deep breath, count to ten, and meditate.

"God bless you."
"Jesus loves you."
"Every last fr#ck-f&rking one of you."

Step 12

Spread the faith.

"Perhaps you did not hear me the first time."
"God bless you."
"Jesus loves you."
"Every last fr#ck-f&rking one of you."

... ... ...


Sorry, almost missed the most important step.

Step 13

The Good Lord helps those who help themselves.

"Now, seriously."
"How do you expect to stand naked before God with all your clothes on?"