Children's Books

• Cute concept.
• Let's see if it delivers.
• School Copy #L.
• Genuine Grade-A Balloons.
• Fully inspected.
• I don't like lists.
• Gads!
• Another list.
• Also known as a Wand.
• The tension mounts.
• The foil.
• Ya gots to have a foil.
• Not the way I would have gone.
• Seems dark.
• Sinister.
• Full of unspoken Sin.
• Opinions will, of course, differ.
• For such a simple drawing, the reflection in his eyeglasses are quite expressive.
• I would have guessed a he.
• Originally.
• But these are progressive times.
• Not high art.
• I like the premise better than the instiation.
• I'd rather the balloons be grown in Candy Land.
• Next to the Toy Forest.
• The Doll Mountains.
• And so on.
• And so forth.

• Um, he sort of looks familiar.
• Wonder if he's grouchy.
• I, on the other hand, do not support copyrights.
• I obey.
• But I think they are killing Culture.
• Of course, no one cares about Culture.
• It's Coinage that counts.
• A brief intermission.
• The best part so far.
• Oh, that's all.
• I did not see that coming.
• It's the little things.
• The joys of life.
• Life!
• He seems nice.
• Wouldn't it be great if I were wrong?
• Seriously, guys.
• Stop it.
• Classic.
• Well, not so much classic, as inspired.
• Yeah, I'm giggling.
• Sort of a guffaw.
• Maybe, a chortle.
• Ta-da-dump.
• Can you hear the drum roll signaling the punchline to the closing joke?

• Let's start with why this book is good for your kids.
• Marxy the Squirrel.
• Well, I mean, I could be wrong.
• After all, don't pretty much all squirrels look the same?
• I, already, hate it.
• Poetry sucks.
• And rhyming ain't luck.
• But stop it right now.
• Or I'll F! you right up!
• Aw.
• He's cute.
• But start with the rhymes.
• And I'll end you.
• In times?
• In no times?
• Hmm.
• Listen, just stop.
• OK?
• It doesn't rhyme.
• Sorry, every line rhymed but this one.
• Why not this one?
• It's total vanity.
• The illustrations carry it.
• Or at least, they do in my mind.
• You know, since I couldn't stand to read the words.

• Let us have low expectations.
• It's an obvious cash grab.
• I like how the main comic storyline is interspersed with technical data sheets and other asides.
• Violence solves all problems.
• Idiotic lessons.
• Hardcover books are an environmental disaster.
• Why don't we start there?
• Some things (and some people) are just evil.
• And countless predators would just as soon eat you.
• Or listen to your screams until you die.
• Truly, I am more in tune with the Dark Side of the Force, these days.
• Let's touch all the bases.
• And I am out.

• He's sold a lot of books.
• Buy this one.
• Help him sell more.
• I like decorated inside book-flap covers.
• Taco Bear!
• A kilt or a skirt.
• You make the call.
• *insert insult here*
• Zombies.
• And monsters.
• And such.
• In other words, not much of a story.
• Taco Bear!
• He's worth a laugh.
• Donner Dinner Party!
• I love the title.
• I will not be reading.
• Er, and/or browse quickly through.
  • You know, like I did this one.
  • Did all these ones.

• More high quality overleafs.
• Is that what they are called?
• After all, books like this are all about the eye appeal.
• Have the guts to raise them for meat.
• Panderers.
• 'See, if we sold some of the animals for meat, we could actually turn a profit.'
• Business Pig was not popular after that.
• Still, business is business.
• And if not omelettes, why are you laying eggs?
• And Business Pig became the star ingredient of a BLT.
• Moral?
• Don't be a pig!
• PC Stupidity aside.
• Was there that much?
• It was good.
• Business Pig knows his stuff.
• Pork Rinds, anyone?

• Boring.
• Boring.
• Boring.
• Oh, croco-plane!
• Says it all.
• Not enough croco-planes.
• Critics demand more croco-planes.
• 'I really wanted more croco-planes.'
• How come not more croco-planes?

• Saving the earth.
• One Mass Market Children's Book at a time.
• Seriously, go for it.
• You do realize it might mean not printing so many Mass Market Children's Books?
• Pop Quiz!
• Also, it's not murder if it is for science.
• It's spelled Harrumph!
• I like the art.
• The plot must go on.
• In the days of old, when magic filled the air...
• Adventure Awaits!
• It is the only solution.
• And all will be well.
• Or rather, all's well that ends well.
• I was thinking Hawaii.
• But the correct answer is Columbia.
• Soothing art.
• Interesting splash pages.
• Idiotic sentiment.
• Well, maybe not the sentiment.
• But Magical Thinking is not a Real World solution.
• I'm spending more time flipping back through the pages.
• I think a child could get lost in this world.
• For good or for bad.
• Seriously, did I ever get out?

• Love the name.
• The cover illustration is not bad either.
• The right style of camp.
• I like The Wharf as a locale.
• Yeah, I'm 'reading' this by looking at the pictures and reading the chapter headings.
• Losing interest.
• When you need content.
• But nothing comes to mind.
• I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and call it an awesome book.
• Probably.
• I'm trying to figure out if I would have like it in my youth.
• And I do not know.
• It had it's moments.
• And I can see the character's appeal.
• Still, it only got fifteen minutes...
  • Of my time.
• On the outside.

• A pass for me.
• No in.
• The white of the snow in an illustration of a branch was the best part.
• Book not read.
• Verses denied.
• The illustrations barely scried.
• Poetry.
• Of form.
• Does nothing.
• For me.
• Finished before I started.
• Sadness for them.
• Eh, life goes on.
• Suck it.

• Two red hats.
• Can they carry the day?
• Black, grey, and dayglo orange.
• The orange really glows.
• I read the text.
• I wasn't planning to.
• I hate the first page.
• Hate!
• You chose the wrong side in this war of Good & Evil.
• Muhaha!
• Oh, way to spin it.
• Ah, Ha!
• Turns out, the hats were orange.
• Short, to the point, that's how you get a hundred books under your belt.
• 25 lines.
• Or groupings.
• At under 25 words each.
• Challenge accepted!
• I hope.

• Have a weird enough name and I will write it all out.
• Monsters!
• I would guess a little un-friendly competition lies ahead.
• Does a book this short require a summary?
• Yikes!
• Go Frog!
• Giggle!
• Great illustrations.
• Great.
• Ironic.
• I'm also glad that other bit only lasted two pages.
• And not the rest of the book.
• &#$!
• {Yeah, it's not a typo.}
• She.
• Explains everything.
• And yeah, I'm smiling when I say that.
• Classic!
• I think we have a winner.
• And back in the real world, more of a SensoRama experience than I wanted.
• Clearly, the best on the day.
• Um, there have been upwards of four (or five, but I think it was four) days on this page, so far.
• Memory fades as to this book's ranking among the rest.

• Can we?
• Yes.
• Will we?
• No.
• You may begin.
• Seriously!
• Who are you, anyway?
• Only if Children's Books were more violent.
• Then, a lesson would be learned.
• My fist.
• Your face.
• Ah, I could do like A Drug Deal Book for Little Big Boys.
• Um, nothing to do with the current.
• Sorry, the day already has a winner.
• So, this could be second.
• Maybe.
• But never first.
• I don't understand the rationale behind the climatic scene.
• Still...
• Party!
• Needs more splash pages.
• I'm my (ever so humble) opinion.
• Splash pages are where this sort of work shines.

• Sorry, you don't get two last names.
• You want both used?
• Kill the hyphen and call yourself CliftonBrown.
• And done.
• That did not take long.
• Breathe like an apple.
• Breathe like a bear.
• I exaggerate.
• But that's the way it felt to me.
• Still, it made the first cut, as I grabbed it off the shelf.
• So congrats on that to you three.

• Timmy needed quiet time.
• Or so, Brett assumed.
• So, he locked Timmy in a closet.
• 'That's not how this story goes,' Timmy whined, like the crybaby he was.
• But Brett didn't care.
• Sometimes, he has found, it is best to write your own stories.
• Besides, it was well past time for All to Breathe, like they just don't Care!
• Fifth page and I still don't know what this kid's name is.
• Oh, right.
• Albert.
• D is for Done.
• As in, I'm done with this book.
• Man!
• Children's Books are a scam.
• On the other hand, if you are willing to let your child consume a pre-chewed copy, they are almost free.
• There's, probably, money in some sort of Used Book Cleaning Solution.
• K is for Kooties, which Karen got from Kevin after sharing his book.
• Remember reading a used book is like licking the toes of every Kretin who has ever chewed on the book before.

'Can I come out of the closet, now?'

'Shut Up, Timmy!'

Timmy definitely did not like this version of the book. It went on for far too long.

'Shut It, Timmy! It's not to late to switch genres and make this a Murder Mystery!'

'But I didn't...'

Unfortunately, Dear Reader, whatever else Timmy had to say was drowned out by the roar of a chainsaw.

• You know the rules Miss Brown.
• Cool names are excepted from all self-imposed name shortening guidelines.
• Very Bettie Boop like.
• Uh-oh.
• Any book with a mosquito as a lead character is probably all bad.
• Hippie!
• Never trust an alligator.
• This is great.
• As near as I can tell (not reading a word) the alligator has facial tattoos.
• And the cat has MEOW inscribed on his grille.
• Great!
• Classic!
• Fantastic!
• I could care less about the plot.
• Bit of a Spanish Primer.
• And that's how you do a splash page.
• Also, this one is long.
• The content is a relative bargain.
• Before we continue, I need to drop some acid.
• Sorry, I have no sympathy for mosquitoes.
• All Mosquitoes Must Die!
• I would have guessed Crow.
• Crows are cooler.
• Complete with Spanish Language Glossary.
• Raul Rules!

• Huggie is a teddy bear.
• Stick is a stick.
• It begins.
• I like stick.
• He's straight.
• To the point.
• Oh, this is good.
• Laughing.
• Punch.
• Counter-Punch.
• It reminds me of Pinky and the Brain.
• Stick Rules!
• Stick for President!
• Gadzooks!
• This book is exactly why I wanted to read a few Children's Books.
• This book is so good.
• How good is it?
• I am glad you asked.
• I'm laughing maybe every other page and I am smiling from ear to ear.
• Is somebody's fur all soggy?
• Does Mr Huggie Hums a Lot need a Huggie-Wuggie?
• He's a bunny.
• I never would I have guessed.
• A Blue Bunny that needs a Hug!
• Well, you know what they say.
• All's well that ends well!
• Gadzooks!
• Cowabunga!
• More!
• If I remember, I'll try to find a copy of The Day the Crayons Quit, next.

• Cute idea.
• I would have put sequential drawings (as are featured in this story) on a webpage.
• Maybe I should do that.
• Um, I got a few new line drawing apps last week.
• You know, just by the by.
• Also, I think I am making new content faster than I am editing and posting the old.
• A simple sequential story that leads through light adventure (I don't want to say fantastic) into sleep.
• In the end, highly forgettable.
• Even if I end up co-opting the idea myself.

• An illustrator recommended by My Bud.
• Ha! Ha!
• Of course, I don't really care about this artist's style.
• Over before it began.
• I just don't care.
• Though, if I were putting together a short list of Children's Books Must Do's (for any personal project), an ending that calls back to the start would be number three or four.
• Laughs.
• Interesting art.
• And that brings us to three.
• So, add in an intricate story.
• And we have four.

• I expect this will take me longer to write-up than to read.
• Skipping the words, as I already intend to do.
• Granted, the art is better than anything I can do.
• That said, these are the type of stories that caused me to lose interest in Children's Books, in the first place.
  • You know, back when I was but a wee lad.

• Looks like a fun family.
• I lost interest in the text, a few pages in.
• I'm looking at bare feet.
• And footwear.
• The important questions in life.
• In the wild, I doubt I would have considered that a clue.
• The fold-out is all messed-up.
• From previous readers, don't you know.
• I wanted it to be more like a family vacation.
• And have the cover characters on every page.
• I don't remember seeing the dog once.
• But that's just me.
• Double checked.
• Fido is all over the place.
• Others, not so much.
• OK.
• I'm wrong.
• You got to look carefully.
• The drawings are deeper than I was giving them credit for.
• I think I'll call it a day.
• Clearly, I burned through this book too fast.